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Social relationships matter: an unsettling 20-year study

Social Life matters

The social life of nearly 5000 Australian women was tracked over a period of twenty years. At the same time, their diagnosed illnesses were also tracked. The results may shock you: poor social relationships are strongly associated with illness. The importance of social relationships is a major factor in health and well-being.

About the study

An image showing the RR logo and a circle of stick figures holding hands, representing social life and relationship.

The study, “Social relationship satisfaction and accumulation of chronic conditions and multimorbidity: a national cohort of Australian women” was published on 21 February 2023. It presents the results of twenty years of research.

Background Social relationships are associated with mortality and chronic conditions. However, little is known about the effects of social relationship satisfaction on multiple chronic conditions (multimorbidity).

Multimorbidity

First of all, let’s define multimorbidity. Multimorbidity is when a person has multiple chronic conditions. This would mean having both depression and heart disease at the same time. Or, being obese and having cancer. Chronic diseases are diseases that cannot be cured. They can be managed, but once they are diagnosed, they’re with you for life. In aging populations, like those of Europe, there are large numbers of people living with multimorbidity. Social relationships and health will be at the forefront of anti-aging medicine in the next two decades, I predict

Multimorbidity is an unfortunate reality one sees first-hand when working with Manual Lymphatic Drainage and Oncology Massage. Rarely will a patient present with only a tumor, for example. Of course, it’s the medical team who looks after the pathologies. But the holistic massage therapist can support some elements of the social life of the patient. Not by befriending them, although of course, a relationship does grow. The support comes more in the sense of holding space, active listening, and coaching with emotional intelligence.

Social relationships

The researchers define social relationships as either structural, functional, or qualitative. Structural refers to the number of friends, and being married or not. Functional refers to people’s sense of being supported and loneliness. Qualitative refers to how a relationship is perceived. As the quote says, it is better to be alone than in bad company.

5 examples of social relationships could be a spouse, a child, a cousin, a friend, or a trusted colleague. Each of these relationships would then be classed within the structural/functional/qualitative scale.

This study demonstrates that the quality of these people’s social relationships plays a role in the development of these illnesses. As they write:

“We have demonstrated a dose-response relationship between social relationship satisfaction and the accumulation of multimorbidity from midlife to early old age, which was only partly explained by socioeconomic, behavioral, and reproductive factors. Social connections (eg, social relationship satisfaction) should be considered a public health priority in chronic disease prevention and intervention.“

Emotional Intelligence for healing

What this study is really telling us is that we are more likely to get sick if we don’t have healthy social relationships. So, the question is: What do we do with this information?

The path of healing is long and multi-faceted. Yoga philosophy begins with certain ethical pillars about how we treat ourselves and others. I suggest that we use the Yamas and Niyamas to guide us. These are simple things like telling the truth, seeking enjoyment in life, and not harming others. I say simple, but many of the social problems that we encounter, especially as we age, have to do with basic principles of decency, kindness, contentment, and honesty.

Self-knowledge

The art of Self-examination, with the goal of Self-knowledge, is a very worthwhile pursuit, and will often help to put order to your social life.

When you start to look at your social relationships, it often stings a little. It always takes two to tango, and if a relationship has failed, it usually has to do with both people. (Unless, of course, your best friend sleeps with your husband or something like that…)

You may decide to make repairs with someone who has drifted away. You may decide to cut ties with that certain frenemy. You may decide to use clearer language around boundaries with a friend who doesn’t show up for you when you need it. There are myriad ways that knowing yourself will help you get to know other people who are kindred and true friends.

Energetic-emotional body

Using emotional intelligence and active listening, I can offer you a safe space in which to voice thoughts and feelings that might otherwise remain unsaid.

Referring to the qualitative element of social relationships, it is curious how we can sometimes have loads of people around us, but no one to talk to. If there is unhealed trauma, even marriages can feel incredibly lonely. That is why having a discreet and professional therapist can be so helpful. And no, I am not a psychologist, and I don’t pretend to be.

With my long studies in yoga and vibrational healing, however, I can usually offer some pretty helpful insight about the energetic-emotional body and where different emotions sit and/or manifest. Bodywork, in fact, gives a unique insight into emotions precisely because it deals with somatized stress and unexpressed feelings.

Massage is a stress-buster

Let’s not forget that massage directly helps to bust stress by flooding the body with the feel-good chemical oxytocin. Oxytocin is the natural antidote to high cortisol levels, and just bringing the stress levels down a bit will probably help your relationships. , Of course, a massage isn’t going to heal all this. But, it can certainly take the edge off embodied stress and help you feel safer and softer. The added combination of sound therapy brings new resonance to your lived experience!

Why this matters to Rose Tint Your Life

Rose Tint Your Life is a concept of how to live well. I am not a fan of the “cult of positivity”. In fact, I think that it is unrealistic and impossible to be always positive. There are quite a few thinkers who share this opinion. We call it “Grounded Spirituality”. If you’re interested, check out Jeff Brown‘s work.

Massage is my “vehicle”, but my message is about the unity of body, mind, and spirit. I happen to start with the body because a sore, tense, traumatized body will never support a peaceful mind or serene spirit. This is in keeping with the yoga sutras, which use yoga âsana to bring about stillness in the body, with the specific aim of allowing us to practice meditation.

This study is helpful for those of us who are working in grounded spirituality. It helps us to understand how important connection, companionship, and support truly are. Furthermore, it demonstrates that our feelings do have an impact on our health.

Rose Tint Your Life by nurturing your social relationships. And if you’re feeling stuck, get a massage. It is a simple, low-tech, reliable way to feel better. And, if you’re with a grounded therapist, so much the better! 💚

Conclusion

If you think that your social relationships could do with some sprucing up or paring back, and you’re not sure how to start, maybe just start with looking after yourself. You can always get in touch with me via the Whatsapp button on my contact page. I look forward to seeing how we can work together. Sending good vibes from here,

-Rachel

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Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

1. I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the pavement. I fall in. I am lost…I am hopeless. It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

2. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I’m in the same place. But it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

3. I walk down the same street There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I see it is there. I still fall in…it’s a habit. My eyes are open I know where I am It is my fault I get out immediately.

4. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I walk around it.

5. I walk down a different street.

I first came across the Autobiography in Five short Chapters around the turn of the century. I read it in Sogyal Rinpoche’s “The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying”. It had a strong and an immediate impact on me, and I have since used to whenever I am trying to detect patterns in my life and in myself. Which is, kind of, always.

Patterns are like waves on the shore, they crash and recede, then crash again. If the wind is blowing a certain way, there may be more debris floating on the surface. If it is stormy, the waves may be destructive. If it is calm, they waves may only lap at the shoreline. But the waves keep coming.

Most of us live like on Repeat. We get some ingrained habits when we are young, then never question them. They can be useful – brushing your teeth. And they can be toxic – narcissists, for example, are formed, not born. The reason that the Autobiography in Five Short Chapters is so useful is twofold:

Firstly, it shows us the cyclical nature of our problems. Then, it shows us that we are responsible for behaviour that repeats.

This resonates particularly strongly with me because of my penchant for independence. I believe that the point of living is to be(come) free. Freedom is about making good choices even when no one is looking. It is about walking down another damn street, making that change and getting the hell out of the rut. You are simply NOT free as long as you are on auto-pilot. Truth.

So, every time you catch yourself going round and round again in that same old loop, STOP! read the Autobiography in Five Short Chapters and ask yourself “Which chapter am I on?”

I have done this many times, answering myself “oh, 4” and then a year or two later, I repeat, and I ask myself “Which chapter am I on?” and maybe this time I am a little more humble and say “maybe 3?”

Change takes time, deep change takes forever, but you get there slowly and one day you find yourself WALKING DOWN A DIFFERENT STREET. And then, you’re free. Well, free of that habit at least.

A fundamental part of my philosophy of Renaissance 2.0 is the idea of personal responsibility for one’s health and happiness. But, in contrast to some of the anti-maskers in the Wellness world, although I advocate personal responsibility, I also advocate for collective responsibility. In fact, the roots of my understanding of anarchism is that we are at once personally responsible and socially/collectively responsible. These shared duties are the cornerstone of a truly free society. Maybe if we were to ask ourselves, collectively, which chapter are we on, and answer honestly, humanity might stand a chance of getting out of the mess that we have made for ourselves. (I refer to the economic and environmental mess. I believe that we are doing well in some things and poorly in others. More on that later).

For now, peace and goodnight. Be well, be strong and be free.

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Welcome to RTYL

Bienvenidos! Desliza abajo para español.

RoseTintYourLife is a concept of wellness and self-care that I have been nurturing for some time. RTYL is about making everything a bit rosier, about looking at life through “rose-tinted glasses“. That’s where I am going…want to come along? Then keep reading…

Having been in the wellness world for two decades, I have seen enough false positivity and spiritual bypassing to last me a lifetime. Frankly, I have had enough, but I have not given up the faith. Whay? Because I KNOW that normal people, my neighbours, workers, mums and dads, seekers and not-so-much-seekers, we all NEED wellness. We need to learn how to look after ourselves, in BODY MIND AND SOUL. No one, I repeat, no one can care for you as well as you can care for yourself. And secondly, illness, pain and ageing are real. They are going to happen to you no matter what. Isn’t it better to get some self-care tools under your belt beforehand?

I am a deeply practical and honest therapist. I am not into bullshit and you can trust me to actually listen to you and actually make suggestions and give therapies that work for you. Simply, I am into grounded spirituality. I am into realism and optimism, but not necessarily positivism.

Being too positive, you see, is a dangerous proposal. Imagine that being negative is like being a hole and being positive is like being on top of a flagpole. You don’t want to get buried in a hole and suffocated, but nor do you want to fall off your flagpole and break your neck! Time and time again, being on the optimistic side of neutral is the best bet.

So, RoseTintYourLife is about being on the ground, on the middle path, walking with head held high, looking at the stars, but feeling the ground beneath you feet. I am the first one to admit that I love a little craziness, some zing and zest to keep things interesting. But I don’t have to have my head in the clouds in order to be healthy and happy. Honestly, if we are not here to have fun, what’s the point? It is so pleasurable to wake up with energy, to be present in the hear and now and to control the emotions!

So, if you like some bodywork without me reading your chakras, some yoga without me babbling at you in Sanskrit, some guided meditation using sound healing or even a good old chat about habits and food and nutrition (I am a very good teacher), then get in touch. I am waiting for your call! In person here in Altea or online, you won’t regret it. Make time for yourself, look after yourself. Hey, the fact that you got here is already something. Sending hugs…Rachel

RoseTintYourLife significa teñir tu vida de rosa. Es un concepto de bienestar y auto-cuidado que llevo desarrollando hace tiempo. Tiene que ver con cómo miramos la vida, y desde qué óptica. En inglés, existe un refrán “mirar la vida con lentes rosados”. Pues, por ahí voy. Me acompañas? Pues, sigue leyendo…

Dentro del mundillo de “Wellness” ó bienestar durante dos décadas ya, he vista tanta falsa positividad y desvío espiritual que ya no puedo más! Pero, mantengo la fé porque lo sé que a la gente “normal”, los currantes, los padres, los inquietos y los no tan inquietos, a todos nos hace falta un poco de bienestar. Hace falta cuidarse porque, primero, no hay nadie que nos pueda cuidar mejor que uno mismo y, segundo, porque la vida pasa factura y los dolores, enfermedades y la vejez son reales, y te llegarán tarde ó temprano. No te apetece saber como cuidar de tu CUERPO MENTE Y ALMA?

Soy una terapeuta con los píes en el suelo. Confíe que te escucharé de verdad, y te daré consejos y tratamientos que realmente te van bien a ti. Simplemente, me chifla la espiritualidad terrenal. Me gusta el realismo, el optimismo, pero no necesariamente el positivismo.

Imagínate que el negativismo es cómo estar un un hoyo, y el positivismo es como estar encima de una montaña. Pues, no quieres estar enterrado en un hoyo, pero tampoco te apetece caerte de la montaña. No te parece mejor quedarte ahí en el medio, tranquilamente? Pues, a mi sí.

Entonces, RTYL tiene que ver estar en tierra firme, pero mirando las estrellas. Claro que me gusta gozar de la vida. Es justamente una parte del bienestar “tradicional” que más me molesta – la seriedad de todo. Vamos, si no estamos aquí para disfrutar de la vida, que sentido tiene? Estar presente en en aquí y ahora, vivir sin dolor, despertarse con ganas, dominar las emociones, eso es vivir y eso es lo que te puedo ayudar a conseguir.

Ponte en contacto, ya verás. En persona en Altea, ó por internet, invierte en tu mismo, busca la felicidad, ten fé, todo está llegando El hecho que estás aquí significa mucho. Te mando abrazos…Rachel